![]() In this scenario you might say to yourself, “I need to think about how I can improve my effectiveness as a parent or else I need to accept that I have done all that I can. In other words, be a responsible parent by processing what belongs to and then decide what guidance you need to give to your child. I’m scared he will never be responsible and guilty that I have not done my job.” Then ask yourself what you need to work through within yourself and what proper feedback you need to give to your child. Say to yourself, “When I see my kid doing X, Y or Z, I feel _ because I _.” For example, “When I see my kid not helping around the house, I feel furious because I feel ineffective as a parent. Is it irritation, frustration, hurt that’s bothering you? Name it identify it as your own. When you are about to let off steam, pause and identify your feelings. If we blame our kids for our feelings and reactions, they will learn to blame others for their actions and will not learn how to take responsibility for themselves. Processing, soothing, anticipating and understanding our own feelings is our job. If we take responsibility for our own feelings and actions, they will be more likely to be able to do the same. Your frustration may be about your own lack of patience which is a problem that is yours to figure out, not theirs.įinding ways of being less angry at our kids is important. I am not suggesting we allow for bad behavior, I am suggesting that you try not to be mad at them for their developmentally-appropriate actions-even if those actions are annoying or disappointing. Our job is to guide them to better behavior by offering them natural consequences, not to blame them for their behavior. It helps them learn from their own experiences. Breaking rules and testing limits helps kids to learn the laws of sowing and reaping. It’s scary and frustrating for us, but this is what is natural for their development. The developmental task of teens is to experiment with new roles and relationships. Your job is to guide him by making sure he takes responsibility and makes amends. But in the back of your mind, remember-your child is doing this because he’s a kid. And, don’t get me wrong, he should be made to face consequences. When your child swears at you, it’s hard to keep this in perspective-your first thought is to feel angry, disappointed and blaming of his behavior. It is about our patience, tolerance (or lack of it), attitude and outlook. Our annoyance is understandable but it isn’t about them, it’s about us. But remember that most of the time they are acting their age. Our kids can make us annoyed, mad, frustrated-sometimes on a daily basis. If you can think differently, you will be less angry at your child. Here are some ways to be a calm parent when dealing with your kids.Ĭhange your perspective. The key is to remain calm and not respond with a knee-jerk reaction when your child pushes your buttons. When our feelings control us, rather than us being able to control them, we have a much harder time helping our kids mature and deal with their life. When we don’t accept our own emotions, we act them out with our kids and our family members in unhealthy ways. The important thing to remember is that all emotions are acceptable, but all behaviors are not. When stirred up, we often do not speak kindly or calmly to them-and we often regret it later. At those moments when we are trying to protect ourselves, we don’t necessarily have our children’s best interests in mind. Our reaction to these emotions can cause us to make poor parenting decisions. ![]() Our children, just by being kids, can trigger painful emotions in us.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |